Okay. Here we go. This time no fuck ups. This time I’m using an actual recipe. Homemade croutons and almond caesar salad.

Step One: Convert 400*F to Celsius, so I know wtf I’m doing with my oven.

Step Two: Mix those tasty herbs and spices together. You wanna know what they are? Get your own damn cookbook! I ain’t gonna break no copyright laws for you bitches! Besides, how the hell have you lived this long without that cookbook in your lives?

Step Three: Follow the recipe instructions and then slide the baking tray into the oven.

Step Four: Go on facebook, waste some time. Suddenly smell burning and realise my oven is mental, whip the croutons out five minutes early and JUST in time.

Then I made the Almond Caesar Salad which is sooooo good. The dressing makes it. Seriously. My mouth is  watering just thinking about it. I decided to use one tiny garlic clove rather than two because my kid had a playdate that afternoon and I didn’t want to scare away his new friend. Nothing sabotages budding friendships more than haggard-looking mothers with stinky garlic breath.

Tasted good. Definitely one of my favourites. The croutons give it some extra crunch. I threw in some advocados and sprinkled some nootch on top too, for good measure.

Why? Because I’m fucking worth it.

Next time I’m double dosing on the garlic though and clearing the calendar. Love myself some garlic and that shit is so fucking healthy. Everyone else will just have to deal.