I thought I should try making one of the breakfasts this time.

I halved the recipe. (Why? Just because. Don’t ask. Didn’t your mama teach you to mind-yo-own-business?!)

It was super easy to make, clear instructions, and while it was simmering away on the stove I decided to watch a bit of ‘Orange is the New Black’ to kill time. Nice. Makes me value my freedom. And food. Real food.

So the oatmeal itself is tasty, but a bit on the plain side when it doesn’t have toppings on it. But I decided that rather than thinking of it as plain, to think of it as Spartan.

I mean think of the film 300. Those strong sons-of-bitches (or should I say sons-of-queens?) are Spartan. To be as built and strong as that, they must be doing something right. Well, if quinoa oatmeal is the Spartan way forward then fuck yeah, bring that shit on! I’ll have my oatmeal plain. I mean the men want to be those guys, and the women want to be with them.

THIS IS QUINOA!!

*drop kicks child out of the front door, then throws their school bag after them*

Or if you prefer a less aggressive approach in the morning, you can add extra toppings. I added some chopped cherries, toasted hazelnuts (toasted or roasted? Who the fuck knows?) and I sprinkled some black sesame seeds on there coz that shit might not affect the flavour much, but it makes it look fucking fancy.

I mean look at that. Black sesame seeds make you feel like you’re at a restaurant. If it was a Spartan themed restaurant, we could call it 300, and it could have the tag line: Come back with your plate, or on it.

There’s nothing like threatening your patrons to create a nice, relaxing, welcoming atmosphere.

I also considered banana, cinnamon and chopped walnuts. That’s a classic. But I had the cherries in the fridge so I thought why the fuck not? (Plus I heard cherries are full of anti-aging shit. Now THAT is the good shit. Who has time for wrinkles?)

Another combination topping I want to try is stewed rhubarb with licorice powder. Now that’s a crazy combination. But very umami. It doesn’t sound like it should work, but it does.The Danes throw licorice in most things and those Viking-bastards know their business. They may not be Spartan, but Vikings are another rugged, sexy people. Those sexy bastards can come set fire to my village anytime, if you know what I’m saying.

Once again Thug Kitchen know the score. Great recipe, and the protein from the quinoa is a good way to start the day. If I was to score it, Viking style, I’d give it five out of five burnt villages.