I’ve been dreading doing a recipe that I know beforehand that I won’t like. I’ve been putting it off. But I thought I’d take the plunge, and get one ticked off the list.

I can’t stand tonic water. Like, really, really can’t stand it.

No G&Ts for me, thank you very fucking much.

Blargh. I can think of nothing worse, taste-wise. Why in God’s Good Fucking Name would you ever put your taste buds through that hideousness?!

Gin is depressing and makes me sad. Tonic makes me want to spit it back out into the nearest persons face. Together, gin and tonics are the worst imaginable combination. I know it’s all civilised and stuff, but count me the hell out.

I guess I’m just not that civilized. (Gee, what a god damn surprise.)

So when I saw the Ginger Lime Sparklers, I thought Hell No. They are totally pretty, they look all nice and innocent, especially with the little umbrellas. But I know better. Those little fuckers are the devil in disguise. I’m not kidding, the idea of the tonic water makes my mouth water in anticipation…and not in the good way. In the dilute-this-shit-down-and-get-it-the-hell-out-of-my-mouth kinda way.

Anyways, the actual making of the drink was sorta fun. Throw in a whole lime? Peel and all? Nice! Who doesn’t think that sorta shit is fun?

I halved the recipe. For obvious reasons. I didn’t want to have to drink more than this stuff than necessary. My friend suggested cheating and mixing it with soda water instead (Yes, friend, I won’t mention your name but you know who you are.) but I decided against it. If we are gonna do this, we are gonna do it right. Honesty is just how we roll.

The truth is, it tasted sorta nice.

I was totally shocked. Like T.O.T.A.L.L.Y shocked.

I think it’s because the tonic water was diluted down. Or maybe it was the combination of the other strong flavours…the lime…the ginger…I’m not sure, but if it was a person I wouldn’t kick it out of bed. I wouldn’t necessarily invite it back for a second date or anything, but I definitely wouldn’t kick it out of bed.

I ended up drinking three glasses of it.

I mean, I wouldn’t say it quenched my thirst, because as far as I am concerned tonic water is still like the swimming pool water of drinks. It might be a liquid, but you’re deluding yourself if you think that bitch won’t dry out your mouth and make you thirsty all over again. But even if it wasn’t thirst quenching, it was refreshing. And that startled me.

Or should I say that sparkled me??

Ha, ha, fucking ha.

The thugs are sneaky bastards if they can get ME to drink tonic water.

I’m not sure how I feel about this.