Come to the Dark Side: We Have Cookies

IMG_3109You ever have those dark side days where you just wanna eat cookies instead of carrots? These two recipes are for those days.

It’s day 268 of the challenge, and there’s 97 days left to go. This is recipe 74 (and 75) of 115.

This ‘dope pairing’ as the amazing Thugs call it (and I’d bet my house keys that it would pair well with dope) can be seen on page 136 of the first Thug Kitchen cookbook. It consists of Chocolate Chip and Almond Butter Cookies, and Blended Earl Grey Lattes.

First I whipped up a batch of the cookies. I had to make my own almond butter, for the recipe. This isn’t because I live in the woods and eat only natural things, waking at 4am to churn my own nut-butters every day.

It was because I couldn’t find any in the stores. I always try to take the easy option where I can. I am only human after all.

I also ground my own flax seeds for the recipe, but that was because I had some kicking about in the cupboard already, and I was too cheap and lazy to go buy the ground stuff. So thirty seconds later I had whizzed some up in my mini-blender.

Flax: Before and After (drum roll please)

The hardest thing was not eating the batter. You’re meant to leave it in the fridge for somewhere between 1 hour and two days. Yes seriously. Who the hell has the will power to leave this amazing gooey goodness in the fridge for TWO. WHOLE. DAYS? And what sort of weird test is that? Is it part of some weird initiation test you have to take before they let you into a cookie cult?


Anyways I had no will power and was in a rush so I can testify that if you throw the batter in the fridge for ten minutes and then into the freezer for another ten that these cookies will turn out just fine. (You’re fucking welcome.) *

I didn’t wanna be part of a cookie cult anyway.

When I was good to go, I cranked the oven and dolloped the dough on to parchment paper in the instructed manner. Then I baked the shit out of them and they came out beautifully. The bottoms were nice and golden just like the Thugs had promised. And the house smelled amazing. Not just the kitchen, the whole house. Nothing is  more inviting than the smell of fresh-baked cookies.

I moved on to making the Earl Grey Lattes while the cookies were doing their thing.

First I realised I was out of ice, so I decided to make some in those ‘easy-make-icebags’ where all you’ve got to do is fill the bag with water and slap it in the freezer. It turns out those “easy” bags were not so easy. I had water all over my kitchen counter and then also seeping out of my freezer into a great big puddle on the floor. It took my three attempts to make the goddamn ice. In the end it only succeeded because I balanced the water bag just so in the freezer, (on top of a garlic bread and something unrecognizable in a freezer bag. It may have been lentils. It may have been peaches. Who knows?) (Also FYI that garlic bread will never be the same again. More like soggy bread.)

 Anyway, I steeped the tea in the almond milk and water and left it to sit while I mopped up the floor. For the third time.

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I threw the chopped banana in the freezer so it could keep my fucked up water bags company. Once all the ingredients had got their shit together, I blended everything up real nice and poured the concoction into two glasses. My pregnant cousin had come over, so what better excuse to sit around eating cookies and sipping on lattes. I thought her pregnant taste buds would come in handy so I asked her what she thought of the flavours.

We both agreed that it was refreshing. Her pregnant taste buds were less into the drink than the cookies, as she wasn’t really feelin’ the earl grey. After a lengthy discussion of what the hell actually is in earl grey, we said we’d try it as a chai latte text time. We ended up swilling it around in our mouths like wine, trying to figure out what we could taste.

‘I think I detect a hint of star anise….no wait, maybe it’s bergamot…’

*sticks nose right into glass and breathes deeply*

‘This is clearly a good year for earl grey, a good harvest, yes yes.’

‘Is that oak from the barrels I can taste? No wait, it’s the cardboard from the box the tea was stored in. Very papery. Yes, a good vintage.’

After almost gargling with the tea, we started using the cookies as a palate cleanser.  After giggling she looked at me suddenly. Are you sure there’s nothing funny in these cookies? she asked. I reassured her it was just the side effects of our weird sense of humour that she was feeling.

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I’m looking forward to  trying the blended lattes with different kinds of tea too. I think it would be really  refreshing in the summer, and there are so many varieties of tea that I think would go well with the cookies. My cousin’s pregnant taste buds and I both agreed that though the cookies and the drinks were both scrumptious, they were better off alone than together. It was like we’d tried to set up two awesome people on a blind date, that seemed like a great combo but in reality was just slightly…off. Not outright jarring  or incompatible, just a little unsuited to each other. I blame the bergamot. If bergamot was a person I think he’d wear a tweed jacket and bring his own tea bags and cutlery to a restaurant. He’s okay, but he’s just not for everyone.


This tea works well if you’re on the go too. Make a batch and keep it in the fridge. Just add ice and frozen bananas when you’re good to go.

Like I said, sometimes you just have dark side days where you wanna eat cookies more than you wanna eat carrots.


* Fun fact: Most good tips are born out of desperation and/or experimentation. I bet that’s how orgies were invented. Just ask Google. Google knows everything.



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