Gotcha Some Creamy Horchata

The challenge: To cook all 115 recipes from the Thug Kitchen cookbook (the BEST cookbook in the world, I’ve decided) within 365 days.

83 days left of challenge, and 36 recipes left to cook.

This time I made the Creamy Horchata from page 138. And I’ve gotta say this is the first recipe I’ve not been blown away by, not just in the book but across the Thug Kitchen board. Kinda amazing though, all things considered. It has taken me 79 recipes to get to stage where I can honestly say, hand-on-heart, that I didn’t dig this one. I was expecting this point to come much sooner.

But to be fair I did a few things wrong so it may have affected the final result. Let’s just say I cook with creative flair, rather than surgical precision. It’s probably a good thing I’m not a surgeon actually, because if it was anything like the way I cook then people would die. Once, many moons ago, I melted some butter for a cake in the microwave and then forgot all about adding it in until the cake had already been in the oven for about five minutes. I can tell you now, adding it in at that stage does NOT HELP the situation AT ALL. So don’t bother. So if I was the same kind of surgeon that I am chef, I’d be getting sued left, right, and center because I’d keep forgetting to put the organs back in.

So, the first fuck up, or “expression of creative flair” (aka not reading the recipe properly) was when I thought it said three cinnamon sticks, rather than a three-inch cinammon stick. I got all my shit together to get things soaking overnight and must’ve just misread things. (I’m a multitasking parent, people! Cut me some slack!)


The other thing I did was I forgot I’d left this concoction to soak. So I found it more than 24 hours later, remembered what was going on, gave it a quick sniff and then carried on.

I realised at that point the mistake I’d made with the extra cinnamon sticks, so pulled them out before I started blending. I figured it can’t be all bad. I mean who doesn’t like cinnamon, right? Maybe I should’ve left them in. If you guys ever make the same weird mistake and then decide to leave the other two sticks in let me know how it tasted, okay?


I was really tired when I made this so I kept doing weird things like nearly blending without the blender lid on, or trying to put the blender lid on the maple syrup instead of on the blender. I also nearly put the ground cinnamon in the fridge, but caught myself in time with that one.

I poured it through my fine-mesh strainer because I don’t own a cheesecloth, and last time I tried subbing a pillowcase for a cheesecloth to squeeze the juice out of some chokeberries, the pillow case was never the same again. It looked like I’d bashed someone’s brains in while they were sleeping peacefully , and then poured some purple grape juice over the crime scene for dramatic effect. Well not this time. This time I got my strainer.

 Here’s a picture montage of just how much grit I strained out.

When I was done, and had mopped up the mess I’d sloppily and tiredly made in the kitchen, I poured it all in a jug.


My little boy even gave it a whirl. He got especially excited when I added a little ground cinnamon to the top. Refreshing and cool.


Personally, it just wasn’t for me because it reminds me of rice milk or almond milk, and though I love both-especially rice milk which I have every day in my coffee-it’s taken me a while to find a brand that I like. I’ve even tried making my own non-dairy milks and each time I just thought they tasted like wet flour. So I think it’s just my particular taste buds. They are permanently affected by all the peach flavoured smints that I ate as a stoned youth. (Fun fact: When you’re stoned, peach flavoured smints seem to fizzle on the tongue.)


Why don’t you try this horchata stuffs for yourself? Kick back, relax and horchata your troubles away.


One Comment Add yours

  1. crystal075 says:

    I don’t like to see white people trying to do something that just isn’t theirs. So nope, not going to make this one. I like my horchata directly from the mexican restaurant down the street or round the corner. Mucho gracias.


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