Thug Kitchen Frosted Ginger Bites. Trust me. Don’t Make These.

 

Do you ever have times where you can’t sleep at night for no apparent reason?

At first your thoughts start out friendly, but then they plan some crazy mutiny and take over the ship. They start you doubt-looping shit that you said or did during the day, or if they’re feeling generous they might treat you to memories as far back as years ago. A real thought-outing down memory lane. It’s always fun questioning decisions you’ve made, or better yet, reliving that time in kindergarten when the teacher shouted, and you wet your pants. Or maybe you’re the type of person where it’s not the past your thoughts fixate on, but the future. Like, ‘How will I meet that deadline?’ or ‘Where the fuck is my life headed?’ or ‘Is the apocalypse coming?’

Well, there is no better time to have a thought mutiny than when you have the flu. Lying awake late at night, teeth chattering, shivering from fever, THAT is the best time to think some thoughts. GUARANTEED. You’re too shivery to sleep, you got the flu aches deep inside your quivering bones, and you got all that time to think; and think some more.

Which way on the thought scales do you think your thoughts will tip when you’re feeling like something death coughed up? Do you think it will be rainbows and butterflies, or doom and gloom that fills your head?

I had a night like that the other night. It started out with me mid-teeth-chatter, trying to focus on some happy thoughts while I desperately waited for the painkillers to kick in and reduce that fucking fever. I suddenly remembered having some of these Thug Kitchen Frosted Gingerbread Bites the previous week and craving them again. Then my thoughts moved to how I hadn’t had a chance to blog about them yet. Then my mind decided to be a backstabbing asshole and go to all the other things I hadn’t had time to do. Before I knew it, my thoughtswere circling me like a black panther in some dark twisted labyrinth.

Yeah, it was not a good night. The only good thing was I had my twisted sense of humour to keep me company-and the memory of these Frosted Gingerbread Bites.

So unless you wanna lay awake at night craving these delicious, slightly spicy bastards* then DO NOT MAKE THESE. The worst time to crave these fuckers is when you’re too ill to do anything about it. You’re hardly gonna get up and make these when you’re as weak and sweaty as someone who’s been trapped in a sauna with no OFF-switch for the last 12 hours.

Now that I’ve warned you, here’s the recipe.

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It’s the easiest thing ever. After throwing the dry ingredients together, it gets really delicious. That’s when you get the sticky molasses out, and slowly stir them into the creamy coconut milk. There’s something so gorgeous about the colours mixing together, all those rich caramel tones, and the thick treacle of the mollasses. A swirly pallet of dulcet tastes, smells, and colours. That part is so satisfying.

We couldn’t even wait to ice these fuckers, they smelled so good. We sliced them up and devoured them in less than 24 hours. I tried, I really tried to leave them alone, but I couldn’t. I wanted to share them with more people than I did, but they just disappeared too quickly.

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They weren’t at all how I expected them to be. They were a sweet and spicy falvour combination that left your taste buds wanting more….just one more slice….just one more crumb. They tasted more like food, and less like cake because of their spicy twist, but they had the same spongy texture of a cakey brownie. They were so good. They’re perfect for this time of year because they taste like winter, and warm spicy ginger.

My kid insisted that he wanted them as his birthday cake for next year, but he’s at that age where he doesn’t realise just how long an entire year is, and I was feeling bad that I hadn’t frosted them, so I slapped his old birthday candles in and we ate some more. These taste even better when there are birthday candles in. Just sayin’.

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All in all fucking delicious. So if you don’t want the memory of a delicious cake keeping you up at night then don’t make these. Once you’ve had them you can never un-have them. There’s no going back. Go eat a carrot instead.

 

* And crave them you will. You’ll seek them out. Like a troll needs an online argument. Or an addict needs their next high. Or an insecure bald man needs a hairpiece.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Marian says:

    So funny! I love this recipe and have made it over and over. You know, to please the children. And then I fucking eat the entire pan myself!
    But you did not even put on the freaking delicious and so festive drippy damn frosting! Why?!?! I say you are missing out. MAKE ANOTHER BATCH, THEN.

    Like

    1. I think several batches need to be made. With loads of frosting. LOADS. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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