Curry Roasted Eggplant from Thug Kitchen 101: Fast as Fuck.

Looking forward to Easter? Gonna cram a bunch of Easter eggs in your mouth? Why not Eggplants instead?

I’ll tell you why not. They’re usually gross and even sorta slimy.

I’ll tell you another why not.

Because THESE eggplants are so fucking crunchingly good, that there’s no way you’ll be able to save them till Easter. These were scarfed down in minutes when I made them.

Okay, so I accidentally cooked them on the ‘broil’ setting in the oven, but what’s a scatter-brained girl to do? That might’ve made them crunchier, who knows. Whatever, they were awesome, and I’d do it again. I’d defy Thug Kitchen’s recipe any day to have them like this. Rules were ALWAYS meant to be broken. Why spend time colouring inside the lines when you can madly scribble your way to happiness? Freedom is a colourful, squiggly, doodle that no one else understands. Freedom is a crunchy eggplant. So broil motherfuckers, broil!

These were so good that even my five-year-old ate two and a half of these bad boys before realising what was happening. He then suddenly retracted in disgust, screwed his face into a ball, and said, ‘but they’re spicy!’ in the whiniest eggplant-eating voice I’ve ever heard. Fuck him, this way there’s more for me. (Yes. I said fuck him. That’s the way I parent, deal with it. If you have criticisms, or so-called “helpful” suggestions, please feel free to direct them to my Creative Services Department – which is as fictitious as the Easter bunny’s rainbow coloured asshole.)

The curry and the tangy lime combine to make the most goddamn mouth-watering flavour in Eggplant history EVER.

But before you lose your mind to this flavour experience which will blow you away for sure, just a word of superstitious caution. In Ye Olde Days, the eggplant, or aubergine was nicknamed ‘the mad apple’ because it was believed that if you ate it every day for a month it would cause insanity. It’s also known as ‘Solanum Insanum’ in some circles (I shit you not) which sounds a lot like the word ‘insanity’ to me. The voices inside my head confirm that eating eggplant too frequently will indeed lead you to a state of being which can be defined as ‘of unsound mind’. But, I don’t know if I should trust those fuckers, because they like to trick me and sometimes get me into trouble. Right now one voice is telling me to stop being so gullible, but the other voice is telling me ‘Shut up and keep eating.’