Smuggling Swedes, Running Rutabagas.

Roasted Rutabaga Wedges.

Page 4 of Thug Kitchen 101: Fast as Fuck


Feast your eyes on my contraband. This shit is known as a swede, or as a rutabaga.

In my world this would be called a swede, and it’s be super easy to find dozens of them in a supermarket in the UK. But since moving to Denmark I haven’t seen one. Not a single fucking one. And if I try to Google Translate that shit to find out what I need to go asking around for, all it gives me is the translation for swedish humans. Thanks a lot Google Translate. That’s really helpful. Clearly, I’m going through a cannibalistic phase in my life where I roll humans in garlic and lime and roast them in my oven. (Me and Google Translate have a very love-hate relationship which makes me resort to heavy sarcasm.)

So, I needed a rutabaga (aka. swede) in my life for this recipe.

Where was I gonna get one? The UK. Clearly there was no other choice than to fly to another country to get one of these good-for-nothin’ roots. (Okay, that is total bullshit. I was travelling over to the UK anyway and paired this recipe with the trip not the other way around…But you know, it sounds more eccentrically melodramatic this way.)


So I hit the supermarket there and brought home this big fucker, to stow away in my suitcase along with all kinds of other random crap and contraband. (I like to shop when I’m abroad, who doesn’t?) Then I got drunk and forgot all about it, only remembering again when I arrived home to unpack my suitcase. When I found this big fucker in my bag I tossed it over to my kid and told him I’d brought him a souvenir from the England. He looked mortified. I think he’d been expecting a T-shirt.

So that night I cut this big guy, who we’d decided to name Bob, into wedges, rolled the wedges in garlic powder, salt and oil and threw them in the oven.20171216_17150720171216_171816

Bob looked happy in my oven. He was warm in there. He browned up nicely. Before long it was time for him to come out. I squeezed lemon juice over the wedges, and dressed these with some thyme. They were delish. Another success for Thug Kitchen.


Thug Kitchen have another cookbook coming out this year and I’m gonna do my best to try and cook all the recipes from Thug Kitchen 101: Fast as Fuck before the new recipes hit the shops. Things got a bit batshit crazy over here for a while so I’ve been a bit remiss and neglected Natures Butter, Bitch but I’m back with a vengeance armed with smuggled swedes and a dangerous sense of weirdoness.

In a while crocodile.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s