Secret Cake

Pear and Poppy Seed Pound Cake

Party Grub Book page 183

Okay, so this was a hard one.
Not to make, hell no, it was easy-peasy-lemon-squeezey.
It was hard to not eat.

The Bad Mannered Chefs…whom you can call Thug Kitchen, the Thugs, el Thugerinos, or even Thug Kitchenistas if you’re not into the whole brevity thing….had said to leave it to cool for 15 minutes after taking it out of the oven. Do they even know how hard that is for normal human beings?

Like, who do they think we are?! Don’t they know us at all?!

Don’t they know that their cakes smell so heavenly and so Thugishly amazing, that you sorta HAVE to cram a warm handful into your mouth straight from the oven, and then immediately regret it when your mouth burns like molten lava? I am a dignified parent…sort of…ahem…most of the time, but when I caught myself HIDING in the kitchen shovelling a handful of burning hot cake into my mouth while pretending to be getting more vegetables for dinner…Well, I came face-to-face to my inner cake addict. And it wasn’t pretty.

When you find yourself eating cake every chance you get when no-one is looking…Well, it’s not good dude. My kid was wondering where I was and I was finding excuses to get him to leave the room to go get things in other parts of the house so I could be alone with this cake. And it’s not like we live in some fancy-ass mansion with an East Wing and a West Wing…so it doesn’t take long to get from point A to point B, so I had to work fast. I felt like a hamster when he walked back in, with massive cheeks, having to turn my back so he couldn’t see me trying to swallow the evidence.

I mean, some people…sensible ones without cake-addictions…might argue that I should’ve shared more. I mean I’m the parent, and he’s the kid, surely this picture is back to front? I think these sensible people would be right.

Anyway, I did let him have one slice before the rest was gone. We each grabbed a slice for breakfast as we walked to school. (Whadayamean you can’t start the day with cake?! That’s what cake Tuesdays are for! Also…it has pears in it. Pears are healthy. That’s gotta be at least one of your five a day.)

Just look at that golden colour. It was so moist and spongy. Mouth-FUCKING-wateringly-yummy.

Look, I don’t know what to tell you. This cake is easy to bake, and when your nostrils get hit with that first whiff of cardamom, there’s no going back. So, either don’t make this cake EVER (Don’t do that, that would be very, very sad) or do yourself a favour and make a double batch.

One for sharing, and a secret stash just for you. Then you can eat it hiding in your kitchen, or in the dark, or in your secret hide-out (every mom needs one)…or whatever works for you. trust me, your future self will thank you.
Hell, go all out and throw some birthday candles and celebrate bad ass self when no one else is looking. I’m not here to judge. (Only to enable other cake-addicts. Enabling and addiction go hand-in-hand, my little muffin-maker.)

I took pictures before it went into the oven and after. I suppose I should share those with you, even if the cake is loooooong gone.

I didn’t even get a bunch of nice shots from different angles and on a nice plate or anything. Just on a piece of paper towel as we were on our way out the door for school.* Not glam at all.

So, seeing as I didn’t take any beautiful cake pictures, and don’t want to leave you hanging, I’m going to drop some other random pics of cake here for you to look at until you bake your own. Don’t have the recipe? Get Your Shit Together Man! and order yourself a copy of the Party Grub recipe book. What are you even still doing here?! GO GO!

* Seriously though, we don’t usually start the day with cake for breakfast but my kid LOVED it. So if you’re lacking on parenting brownie points then this is a great way to earn a few.


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